Archive | July, 2013

Mt Kilimanjaro – say what?

18 Jul

Mt Kili

This might be the only serious post I ever write.  I work for Ovarian Cancer Canada and we are the only charity in Canada that raises money to fund research on ovarian cancer, offer support programs to those affected by ovarian cancer and spread awareness in both the public and healthcare environments.   Ovarian cancer is a particularly devastating cancer – there is no screening test so women get diagnosed late and therefore upwards of 80% of the women do not survive at 5 years.  It is the most fatal female cancer.  The symptoms are vague and often mimic other less serious conditions which affect women: bloating, abdominal pain, frequent or urgent urination, back pain, fatigue, a change in bowel habits, menstrual irregularities. The problem is not a lot of women know the symptoms and/or they attribute them to something else: menopause, age, life, food, etc. and often don’t even go the doctor until the symptoms become loud. A big piece of my day to day work is educating well women on the symptoms and risk factors – you can read more by going to our website http://www.ovariancanada.org

Enter Macon who lost his wife from ovarian cancer . He approached us in regards to doing an event which would help raise both funds and awareness of ovarian cancer. Macon happens to be a seasoned mountain climber who holds the record for the most amount of summits of Mt Kilimanjaro in one month!  He in fact spread the ashes of his wife on top of the mountain.  His idea was to have an “Expedition of Hope” where people connected to this disease climb the mountain together.  In order to partake in the trip each person needs to raise at least $2500.  Seeing as I am usually up for just about anything, I signed up.  So the end of September I am lacing up my boots and climbing Mt Kilimanjaro!  Every time I say it I kind of can’t believe it.  I have been doing my training – paced walking, strength exercises, and hill climbing. Over the next two months I will add weight by carrying a backpack with a 3 kg jug of water in it.  

As a well woman you have a connection to this disease – most cases happen for no known reason so any woman is at risk.  If you have a connection to the disease via a loved one, you know how terrible it is.  If you can spare a few dollars I would be forever grateful – I am hoping to raise $5000.  FYI – as a staff member I need to raise the same amount of money as the other participants and pay for my own flight/travel expenses – so the $5000 goes directly to the cause.  You can donate to the Expedition of Hope by going to:

http://www.expeditionofhope.com/ –  hit the “donate” button and go to “individual search” on the left – enter my name.

Appreciation in advance!

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Double double – as in DD’s

11 Jul

I have never been a girl who is insecure about my looks or body.  Even though I know I am not a 10/10 I am a-okay with how I look.  Lord knows there are enough things to worry about other than pieces of my body.  I could harbor resentment towards my two grandmothers for passing down their large breasts.  I could point a finger at my mother for graciously giving me her crazy thick and corse hair.  I could call my father names for giving me the mole gene.  Instead I will roll with the fact that I have big boobs, crazy hair and a lot of moles.  In fact I used to have a mole which was record setting on my face.  Great placement.  My Grandpa used to call it my “Beauty Mark” and he told me it made me different than any other girl, but after he died the only names it had came from my brothers – rat shit, shit, dirt, hairy beast, etc.  Mmmm hmmm, that is right my brothers didn’t treat me like a princess instead they played head games with me, daily. In grade 7 (at the advice from my dermatologist) I had actually had plastic surgery to have it removed.  Imagine that I’ve had plastic surgery.  So now the only body problems I really have are DD boobs (and a muffin top).

I remember when I got my first bra.  Mom got it at Sears in New Glasgow and when she came home said “Emilie there is a bag for you on the table.”  I remember opening it up and freezing kind of like my dog does when she sees a squirrel.  I was in Grade 4.   I wore it to school the next day under a few layers of clothing and as per usual the “don’t tell anyone but…” was told to everyone.  I remember the boys chanting around me “Emilie got something new, Emilie got something new.”  My classmate Allan already had armpit hair and an Adam’s Apple so it seems we were early developers in Maryvale.

Every year around this time the DD’s seem to become problematic – wedding season. The problem is that they do not fit in most any structured dress without having to buy 4 sizes up.  I can’t just throw on any dress – I usually need to spend a pretty penny to get something that suits me.  I’ve been in quite a few weddings over the years and every time the seamstress has to pull out wondrous ways of fitting my rack into the dress.  I’ve had panels added to the sides and stitches added to the v-neck in order to avoid having DEEP Dolly Parton-ish cleavage.  For one wedding the seamstress was an old Greek lady who could have been on The Golden Girls.  When I came out in my dress they were wedged in there like sausages and because of that they were sticking up out of the dress.  She looked at me and said “Lord lord lord look at the big boobies on you.  What am I gonna do with those?” So on top of the price of the dress I normally need to spend at least $50 in alterations.  On top of the price of the dress and the alterations I usually need to spend some coin on a bra which holds the sisters in place.  So weddings end up costing me far more than the average guest.  In fact I am far more high maintenance than I think – plastic surgery and custom clothing.  I do drink beer from a bottle and put in wood while wearing leopard to make up for this.

Doing exercise is a whole other story.  If any bouncing is going to take place I need to wear at least 2 bras.  I have the Ta-Ta Tamer from Lululemon.  This bra kind of locks and loads my ta-ta’s into place, however, I need to wear another bra over top of it as mine seem to creep out with every jumping jack I do.  Oh and baby powder. Lots of baby powder.  The area under the boobs which never sees the light of day needs extra attention.

I guess breast size is something relative – when you don’t have them you want them – when you have them you don’t want them.  I am not saying I don’t want them I just decided to give you an educational lesson in the costs of having DD boobs as today I got a dress in the mail which fits me everywhere else… other than the chest.   If I added up all that I have spent on those suckers over the years I think I could have flown to around the world with that money.