Archive | June, 2013

It is all about timing…

20 Jun


This morning I had to run to the post office down the street from my office.  This particular post office is inside of a Lawton’s Drugs on the busiest street in Halifax.  Seeing as there is a lot of traffic on Spring Garden there are a lot random people floating around asking for change and doing a lot of scheming.  Anne (I only know her name because I heard someone say it) was walking into Lawton’s in front of me.  I am not sure if she was in a rush this morning, but she forgot to put on a bra.  She was also wearing sling pant style leggings which emphasized every lump and bump on her, crocs and she was slurping on a large pop.  She was walking to the cash in front of me when she bent down and picked up some pennies off the floor.  She looked at me and said “wow I found these on the floor – man I got bad gas.”  It seems that the two topics went together for her.  I couldn’t make the connection, but the timing was impeccable for me.  It made my post office visit much more interesting.  A few months ago I had two events happen at bank machines; normally this activity is very predictable and not funny, however, good timing spiced up my bank machine encounter.  The first encounter happened when a couple got in a huge financial fight in front of me.  She was a portly girl and he wasn’t terribly ambitious looking.  He went to take money out of his account and got denied or his balance shocked him because he said “did you take money out of my account?”  She says in a hostile tone “yeah I did for smokes – you owed me money” to which he replied “owe you money?  you owe me money, 20 bucks from march”.  Now I know women get accused of bringing up things from the past, but this was really digging deep.  20 bucks from months before. They continued to stand there and fight with each other not really minding the fact that I was standing there awkwardly witnessing their domestic dispute.  Eventually she says “fine then fine then, I am just gonna go” to which he said “go, I don’t care” she then said “take your 20 bucks and suck you “beep” with it.”  Not sure how a guy would do that.    He walked away acted as if he didn’t care, but I saw him hide behind a pole and poke his head out to see if she had really left.  It made me feel really good about my balance. 

The second encounter: now bank machine areas are kind of like elevators – usually quiet.  You can normally sense if someone is standing behind you.  When I walked in there was a man using the bank machine so I stood waiting for my turn.  He was tapping away on the machine when he looked over his left shoulder.  Seeing as we were at a bank you might think he was ensuring there were no robbers around, but what happened next will verify that is not what he was checking for.   After looking over his shoulder the man leaned a little to the left slightly lifting his leg and let our an enormous fart.  Now, I am not tall but I am 5″2 and had heels on.  I wasn’t using my superpowers to make myself invisible that day. I was also wearing a bright green jacket.  How did he not see me?  This fart was long enough for him to take his money and pivot around while still blasting.  He got a real blast when he saw me standing there.  He knew.  I knew.  It was terribly awkward.  He kind of filled his cheeks up with air and lifted his eyebrows up.  It wasn’t a proud moment for him; I am willing to bet he didn’t tell anyone about his bank machine blow out.

Maurice and I had a party a few weeks ago and we had a fair amount of extra food.  I decided to bring it to Sister Jovita to distribute at her street outreach program.  Outside of the church there was a woman (I think) in a wheelchair.  She said to me “what do you got in there?”  I said “Pie, I am dropping it inside so you can likely have some when lunch starts.” She goes “pie, what kind?” I told her.  She let our an enormous belch and burned away in her electric chair.

I guess I could look at the mentioned incidents as bad timing seeing as they exposed me to belches and blasts, instead I looked at it as awesome timing. I am thankful that I was were I was at that exact moment.